Game Over Man! Aliens: Colonial Marines…Forget it.

April 12, 2013
in Category: Gaming, The Blog
2 2343 0
Game Over Man! Aliens: Colonial Marines…Forget it.

Game Over Man! Aliens: Colonial Marines…Forget it.

Aliens: Colonial Marines Review

You remember that one time, as a child, you knew something would be bad to do, but you went ahead and did it anyway? That is exactly how I feel right now. I could even use a Crying Game shower at this point. I tried to go into Aliens: Colonial Marines, without judging it based on peer reviews. I tried. And this is probably going to be my shortest review yet.

I had originally played the demo at PAX, which appeared crisp and clean…almost pristine like. A tour de force of Left 4 Dead but with Aliens. Admittedly, I was hoping this game would be something awesome, and I figured “Well the people who made Borderlands awesome are doing it, what could go wrong?” EVERYTHING. From Studios moving people from project to project to just blatant false advertising, nothing about this game is good.

The final product looks nothing like what I played at PAX, nor does it play like it did at PAX. And that’s simply just the interaction between myself and the controller! To elaborate, virtually all of the real time lighting effects are gone. Textures are incredibly bland, and all around circa 2003. There is a literal ton of graphical bugs to include, but not limited to: Tearing, clipping, blinking, shaking, missing, and constant complete drops in frame rates. Damn near freezing at times.

What I was promised...Taken away from me...

What I was promised…Taken away from me…

Let’s go right into sound from here. You would think 30 years of sound effects on tape would have helped at least on some level. NOPE

They at least managed to get the gun sounds right, along with alien ambient noise. Music was on par with an 80’s flick, so I can say it was OK at best. This is where any praise you could have stops. All I have to say on this is: “WHERE THE HELL ARE THE EXPLOSION SOUNDS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!”  A marine detonates a grenade 3 feet from me, and there is nothing. No voices, no explosion, just silence. And don’t even get me started on the lackluster voice overs. These actors couldn’t have done a worse job of phoning it in, unless you paid them to. Even Michael Biehn couldn’t be bothered to put some soul into a character that practically made him in the 80’s!

Moving on to the AI…..I mean do I have to at this point? Xenomorphs pause, move in blocky, non animated poses as they clip and jump from floor to wall. My counterparts fire in any direction, luckily almost at most of our enemies. Even better, Aliens pause just before lunging in your direction. How convenient…

This game has no redeeming qualities, and I think SEGA could do the world a favor by just eating costs, buying back all the copies of the game and destroying every single last one of them. Don’t believe me yet? Watch this video:

I hate being so negative about a game, but come on….Can you blame me here? I think blame can be tossed all around for this one, and one of these studios needs to suck it up and fix the problem. Or it really will be game over for the Aliens game franchise.

Aliens: Colonial Marines review

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